Love and
respect should go hand in hand. He is supposed to love you and you are supposed
to respect him. However, too many women aren't finding love because they
haven't found respect. Many things go into gaining respect from a man. Men
respect the women they love. Most men do not love women they cannot respect.
The definition of respect in Merriam Webster's dictionary is to consider worthy
of high or special regard.
Respect Yourself
The best way
to earn respect from anyone is to respect you. Confucius said "Respect
yourself and others will respect you." Dostoevsky said "If you want
to be respected by others, the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by
that, only by self respect will you compel others to respect you." Men
respect women who love and respect themselves. Holding yourself and your life
in high regard is a great way to demonstrate respect for yourself. Set high
standards for yourself and do not make choices that are disrespectful to the
life you want and who you want to be.
The Authentic Woman
Men love women,
who are authentic and feminine according to Mathew Boggs, author of
"Cracking the Man Code." They like to be the man and pursue. Being
true to yourself and not trying to act the way you think a man wants you to act
will allow a man to really respect you for who you are. Men don't need women to
be like them to get respect; they need women to be like a woman. This doesn't
mean you cannot be an intelligent, hard-working, and out-going or even
participate in sports. It just means you should still be a woman in relation to
men.
Tell the Truth
Honesty and
integrity are keys to getting respect for anyone. Never lie. A man cannot respect
you if he cannot trust you. It is also key not to subtly lie by portraying
yourself in a way that gives the wrong impression. If you are looking for a
relationship, tell the truth. If he isn't looking for one, don't waste your
time or his by continuing to engage with him and giving him the wrong idea.
Word Power
In Dr.
Emerson Eggerichs' book, "Love & Respect," he states that men
feel contempt when they are criticized and they feel disrespected themselves,
and therefore cannot feel respect or love at that time. Understand the power of
your words and don't underestimate them. Always come from a place of kindness,
respect and love when dealing with people and you will get the same in return.
If a woman
loses respect for you as a man, she will also lose attraction and begin to fall
out of love with you. It might've taken you a long time to find “the one” that
you’re now in love with, but unless you're careful about avoiding the following
mistakes, she'll soon be thinking about backing out of the relationship for
good.
1. Belittling Her in Public
Playful
teasing each other in private can be a fun aspect to your relationship,
especially if it’s kept light and you both have understand each other's sense
of humor. Too often though, some men will belittle their woman in front of
their friends or family in a way that she feels is cruel and sincerely harmful
to her confidence and sense of pride and comfort in front of others.
In an effort
to “show off” to his friends or because he believes that some “habit” his girl
has is stupid, some guys will say hurtful things about their girlfriend/wife.
Even if it’s done when she’s not there, what the man says about his woman is
probably going to get back to her eventually and she will feel betrayed and
lose respect for him when it does. When a woman knows that her man doesn't
respect her and that he doesn't “have her back,” so to speak, she will usually
begin trying to undermine him or disrespect him in front of others.
2. Being Too Bossy
Women like
to have their man be the head of the relationship, but when he starts getting
too bossy and treating her like a slave, that’s when she will begin to lose
respect for him.
According to
decades of research and recent studies into divorce (see: Should Men Do
Housework?), if you want your relationship to last, you should let
your girl do much of the housework, while you spontaneously help out with the housework,
but focus mainly on doing the “manly” jobs around the house, making the big
decisions and basically leading the relationship. However, when the man decides
that he’s the “boss” and his woman has to do whatever he demands of her as if
he “owns” her, she will lose respect for him and want out; especially if their
sex life isn't that fulfilling for her either. These days, there's only so much
that women will put up with before they think, “Screw this, I'm out!”
because break ups are no longer frowned upon as much as they used to be.
3. Always Letting Her “Win”
On the
opposite side of being too bossy, some guys will give in to whatever a woman
wants because he is too fearful of losing her if he doesn’t yield to her every
whim and desire. While it’s true that a woman will usually “test” you to see
how much she can “get away with,” what she really wants is reassurance that you
are charge of their relationship by seeing that you don’t agree to her every
request.
If it gets
to the point where her man agrees with her every request or “demand,”
especially out of fear of her leaving him, she will walk all over him until she
eventually loses all respect for him. She'll then fall into the arms of another
man who will show her who is truly “in charge” of their relationship. Girls may
act like they want to be the boss in this new age of independent women who can
do whatever they want, but deep down they all want a man who is a man and who
can and will continually take the lead in a relationship.
4. Being Weak or Submissive Around Other Men
A woman is
always watching to see how much of a man a guy really is. One of the best ways
a woman can see how strong (mentally and emotionally) a guy is, is to watch him
interact with other men. Whether he's chatting to men at a party or talking to
a male shop attendant in a store, the woman is watching to see if he acts
submissively and places the other man/men above him in terms of dominance. If
he bosses her around at home, but let's most (if not all) other guys boss him
around outside of the home, she will lose respect for him and won't want to
“follow his orders” at home.
If you want
to learn how to be an alpha male who men respect and women love and lust after,
watch Alpha Male Power.
You'll be surprised at how easy it is to be the alpha male in a situation and
how much your life will improve, not only with women, but at work (or study)
and around friends and family. Life is completely different when, everywhere
you go, people look up to you and respect you. Good things will just start
happening to you all of the time. Doors open up for you and women just
naturally want to be with you. There's no need to try to get a woman attracted
- she already is because you're alpha.
5. Being Suspicious of Her Every Move
Trust is
essential for the health of a relationship. Without it, all sorts of problems
begin to emerge. One of the fastest ways to erode and eventually destroy the
trust in a relationship is to become suspicious and overly protective of your
woman. Regularly accusing her of wanting to cheat or of doing things behind
your back will only lead to a breakdown of trust and a halt to the flow of love
in the relationship.
Whether
she’s legitimately working with a male co-worker on a project, going out with
her friends to the movies or to do some shopping or running errands, some guys
will find it difficult, if not impossible, to trust their woman unless they are
with her. In an effort to control and keep tabs on her, some guys will stay in
constant contact with their woman to find out where she is and what she is
doing, snoop on her e-mails and phone messages to see if any guys are saying
anything that could mean she wants to be more than “just friends” with them and
so on. Women find this to be a major turn-off because they aren't attracted to
men who desperately need them for their emotional security and feelings of
self-worth. If you want to learn how to stop yourself from becoming needy,
protective, jealous and so forth in a relationship, I recommend you watch Better Than a Bad Boy.
6. Whining Like a Victim
For a
variety of reasons, a man might find that his life plans are suddenly in
jeopardy (e.g. he loses a job, his shares/stocks/investments plummet and lose
tremendous value, he gets caught up in heated disagreements with family or
friends, etc.). It’s understandable that when things go wrong like that, a man
might want to talk about his problems with his woman, but when he whines and
complains like a victim without looking for solutions, a woman’s respect for
him will quickly dwindle. Everyone has disappointments and problems that have
to be dealt with, but some men will let it destroy them by dwelling on it and
acting like a “victim of life.”
When a man
is in a relationship, he should sometimes seek his woman’s advice to see how
she feels and what she thinks might be a good way of tackling a problem. Even
if he doesn’t follow her suggestions, but instead weighs them up as a possible
solution against his ideas, a woman will greatly appreciate that her opinion
matters to him and that he is actively trying to find a way to resolve his
problems instead of moping, whining and complaining, but not actively seeking a
solution.
Boys
complain and whine, while men decide and act. If you need to fix a problem in
your life, you should be a man about it by making a firm decision and then
acting on that decision. As a friend said to me the other night when talking
about this subject, “It's not what happens to you in life; it's how you deal
with it. That's what determines your life. If you play the victim card and hide
away in fear or drown yourself in excuses, your life will be a mess of
problems, sadness and missed opportunities.” This same friend lost 85% of
his life savings when the stock markets crashed a few years ago, but he's
managed to get back on his feet and push forward to success once again. That's
one of the things I like about him; he talks the talk and walks the walk. He
makes things happen and that's what counts in this life. Those who sit around
complaining, whining and feeling like a victim are in for more pain,
frustration and disappointment.
Being able
to rely on you to be truthful and live with integrity is one of the most
important things to a woman when in a relationship with you. It doesn’t matter
if it’s a “little white lie” to “keep out of trouble with her” or a major fib
that, if discovered, will have life-altering ramifications, most women won’t
tolerate their man routinely being dishonest. In fact, once your woman has
caught you lying, she will never be able to fully rely on you again. She will
not be able to see you as her “rock” or her man of stone and her respect for
you will diminish.
As we always
say at The Modern Man, “You never need to lie to a woman,” and now I
will also add to that, “If you do lie and she catches you, she'll never look
at you the same way again.” Personally speaking, I've been able to
consistently win arguments with my girlfriends and consistently stop women from
putting heat on me about something, simply by saying, “Hey, have I ever lied
to you? I always tell you the truth, right?” and the woman then has to give
in and smile. From there, she can rely on you to lead her with the integrity
and strength of a true alpha male. So, as a general rule, I recommend you just
tell it how it is with women. Don't lie, don't cheat and don't pretend to be
something you're not. Be the straight up, cool guy that you are and everything
will be fine.
Conclusion
Respect is
earned through your behavior. When mistakes are made, amends must be made as
well. When you are acting out of love and respect for yourself and others, love
and respect will be given to you, and if it isn't, just remember some men are
narcissists and they cannot give respect to anyone. These men should be
avoided.
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